Yesterday was a somewhat stressful day: a long coaching session with a challenging client, a visit to grumpy uncle in his care home, phone calls with those charged with helping him be less grumpy, and an evening conference call – past the time when I usually like to wrap work up for the day.
All of which squeezed out everything I know about self-care.
On the way to the care home I stopped and bought a cookie as big as a saucer, then sat in the car, in the sunshine, nibbling it.
Later, after the conference call, I opened a bottle of Merlot and poured myself a large glass.
Both are reasonable and very familiar ways to comfort myself when I notice stress in my body. The trouble is they don’t actually work.
I think they do – which is how they’ve become habits. But beyond the initial pleasure rush they leave me feeling worse: over-sugared, headachey, and cross with myself.
Why did I fall back into old unconscious habits instead of stopping, breathing, and asking myself what would really soothe me? I already know what my body would have said. As I sat in my car eating a cookie my body was craving the bright winter sunlight. I could have used the time to do a circuit of the pretty lake behind the care home. My body, my lungs, my eyes and ears and soul would have loved that.
And as I reached for the bottle of wine I might instead have chosen to sit quietly in the armchair, breathe deeply, maybe do a three minute meditation, enjoy the fact that the working day was over and it had ended with a long call with two of my favourite colleagues.
I’m not saying that cakes and wine don’t have their place. They do and probably always will. I am saying we need to stop and question some of the things we do unconsciously, because they’re habits or because we’ve always done them.
Mindfulness gives us the opportunity to constantly notice and adjust on our way to creating lives that work and feel better.
Next time I’m feeling stressed I will stop and ask my body and soul what it really needs in this moment.
Photo by Dex Ezekiel on Unsplash
Have the best year of your life 